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Saturday, September 30, 2017

Seasonal Stress in America kill the most, not cold, heat or flu

Seasonal Stress in America

Stress month of America is the January and February because it is the time to pay the debt on credit card: the highest death rate and heart diseases. Financial burden is so heavy for them because they have over spent on the shopping season and black Friday before Christmas and New Year.

The Stressed World: the facts to show our problems
It is not cold, it is not heat, it  is not flu but Seasonal Stress determine our life: Birth, Death Rate, Stroke, Month of Heart Diseases, Suicide, and so on

Americans are so much stressed after overeating, overspending and discontent with stressful work after the long holiday. So that the flu season in America is January and February. There are a lot of incidences of deaths, flu and strokes in the beginning of the year more than other month of the year. Even the weather of spring is better than the weather of winter.
·         The incidences of death rates and heart diseases in The United States during the beginning of the year are significantly higher than other month of the year and similar to with other developed countries.
·         Americans are so much stress with the burden put on them so that the month of heart diseases is the February.
American misery index of 2014 searched on the Google
Look at the daily misery index, 2014 by the key words searched on Google are depression, anxiety, pain, stress and fatigue. The fluctuation of the searches is also the fluctuation of stress in United States in 2014, retrieved from “The Google misery index: The times of year we’re most depressed, anxious and stressed” by Christopher Ingraham on The Washington Post:
-                      The searches rise in the spring and fall, ebb during the summer months, and drop sharply during holidays. Christmas is the least miserable days of the year, with Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day.

Rhythm of stress during the week:
Peaks and valleys in the raw reflect the rhythm of the workweek. People are more stressed on weekdays, less so on weekends. Weekends are the best day of the week:
·         Pain and anxiety peak on Mondays, these numbers suggest that people literally hurt more on Mondays or afraid of boring stressful work.
·         Stress and depression is high on Tuesdays. Fatigue is high on Wednesday.
·         Searches for all terms drop sharply going into the weekend and then edge back upward on Sunday.
·         The gap between weekends and week days shrinks in the summer months (summer holiday): those peaks and valleys are a lot closer to each other in July than they are in March and April.
·         The annual trend in searches for "seasonal affective disorder," we will find that these peak in December and January. But the broader terms like "depression," "anxiety," and "stress," all show a pronounced dip in December. It means that shopping, preparing, planning, waiting and expecting, and enjoying for the important and exciting days of the year make people happier than other day.
·         At the daily level, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas day, and New Year are all among the year's least-miserable or least stressed days.
·         After long and expensive holiday has make people more frustrated with work, but they have to bear financial burden of over spending credit card for shopping season, black Friday, and the spending during holiday has make the people suffer the worst stress. These may be the trigger of the stress that they have suffered for the long time.
·         Randomly, on Wednesday April 23th, 2014 the large upper-level of stress words searched were accompanying cold front draped across the Central United States on April 18. Formed April 15, 2016, and dissipated April 23th, 2016. With snowfall, ice accretion and rainfall near 51 cm around the Houston, Texas areas. Damage $ 2.7 billion. On 23th April 2016 was the highest search with the stress words.
·         4/7/2016 is the National Day of America. People enjoy and celebrate so the stress words search on Google is the lowest.
·         Perhaps, people glad and treat well with each other on Valentine day, so the Saturday after valentine day of 2016, the the stress words search on Google is the lowest.
·         Days on New Year, thanksgiving, and Christmas was the happiest day of American. So the stress words search on Google is the lowest

Researching the life of people with highest life expectancy, we will hardly find the proof for economy affect directly on longevity.
Jeanne Calment died at age of 122 years. Calment suggested that her longevity was to have credited her calmness, saying, "That's why they call me Calment." After her admission to the nursing home “Maison du Lac” in January 1985 at the age of 109, she initially had a highly ritualized daily routine whereby. Seated on her armchair she did gymnastics wearing her stereo headset. Her exercises included flexing and extending the hands, then the legs, and her caregivers noted that she moved faster than the other residents, who were 30 years younger, despite her blindness.

In nursing home:
Lack of love, lack of connection, lack of compassion make the old are more stress and do not have much enthusiasm in life.
According the statistic of length of stay in nursing homes at the end of life of the old, if the old come to the nursing home, the chance of the old living in nursing home is nearly zero percent. It means that if your healthy 60-year-old enter the nursing home, the chance for them to live to 70 years old are very rare let alone they can live to 78 years old as the USA life expectancy.
Length of stay in nursing homes at the end of life of the old is less than 120 months. Most of them died during the first six months and first thirty months.

Statistic show that the health of the old in nursing home have some relation with the love, caring and visit of their children, grandchildren.
There are stories that before the important day like national holiday, birthday and New Year, the death rate of the old reduce substantially. Perhaps, the hope, the wait and expectation the important event with reunion with their family members make them healthy enough to live.
Alarming the distribution of stress results all over the world:
It is lack of love, lack of connection, lack of ability, lack of understanding, and lack of compassion that cause people live with lack of guiding by virtues, lack of gender equality, misunderstanding phenomena and causes countless bad causes. Worst of all, everyday life is covered by greed, hatred, anger and ignorance, and lots of violence, contempt in interaction, lots of violence in the act of helping others.

Let look at the geographical global distribution of some factors by search on Google. Readers can easily search the articles and images on Google.
1.       Age-standardized suicide rates per 100000 populations, both sexes, 2012 around the world.
2.       Alcohol consumption by per capital consumption (liters) around the world
3.       Attitude of population toward foreign visitors: most and least welcoming to foreigners
4.       Average daily suicide rate per month around the world
5.       Child poverty in developed world
6.       Corrupt across the world visualized: countries and territories ranked on perceived public sector corruption in 2014.
7.       Discrepancy in education around the world
8.       Discrepancy in secondary education around the world in 2015
9.       Distribution of the diseases by countries around the world
10.    Economic inequality around the world
11.    Global gun deaths
12.    Infant mortality rate per 1000 birth around the world
13.    Probability of dying from the four main non-communicable diseases between the ages of 30 and 70 years, comparable estimates around the world in 2012
14.    Rate of chronic hepatitis B virus infection around the world
15.    The best and worst countries to be a mother
16.    The best and worst places to be born
17.    The distribution of heart diseases, diabetes around the world
18.    The global overview 2014: people internally displaced by conflict and violence around the world
19.    The health and chronic diseases of newborn babies depend on the month they are born.
20.    The prevalence of heavy episodic drinking or binge drinking among male drinker around the world in 2004
21.    The rate of equal education between male and female around the world
22.    The rate of mental illnesses of adult and children around the world
23.    The rate of suicide and homicide around the world
24.     Geographic distribution of death sentences in United States and around the world.
25.    Women in politics around the world
26.    World map of annual cannabis use
The health and chronic diseases of newborn babies depend on the month they are born. The chronic diseases babies will get in the future will not the same of the diseases that adults get the most that month. This is the indicator that the stress puts on the pregnant women will have influence on the fetus and the chronic diseases children will get in the future. Chronic diseases children might get depend on the development of fetus, the stress, the stage of fetus suffering stress, the abilities of parents, the stress after being born the fetus have. It has countless varieties so I hope that science will.

27.    Age-standardized death rates due to cardiovascular diseases in 2013 around the world.
28.    Age-standardized suicide rates per 100000 populations, both sexes around the world in 2012.
29.    Consanguinity (%) around the world
30.    Distribution of child and adult mortality around the world.
31.    Education index around the world 2009.
32.    Gini index or inequality in distribution of and economic wealth among a population around the world.
33.    Global gun deaths per 100000 populations around the world.
34.    Gross enrolment ratio, primary, gender parity index (GPI) around the world in 2016.
35.    Mental disorders span the globe: “Prevalence of mental disorders: anxiety, mood disorders, impulse-control, and substance abuse around the World.
36.    Prevalence rates of intimate partner violence by WHO region in 2010.
37.    The equality of receiving education between men and women around the world.
38.    Worst of all is the “stroke mortality per 100000 populations around the world in 2010”

“Intimate partner violence” The strange people first meet treating well, nicely, kindly and respectfully each other as the independent beings. After hard time of courting they become lovers with the serving heart. Getting married they have assumption of becoming husband and wife. After getting married, what is the hell here! The social assumptions, social paradigms put on them that make the husband has the total right to demand many things from the wife. Even the wife, from the independent being, becomes the possession of the husband. The strange man after getting married, coded by social paradigms become the dictatorial man, he has total right to treat whatever ways he like with his wife - a strange woman previously.

Watching the “Distribution of unsafe abortion per 1000 women aged 15 to 44 years around the world” and “Prevalence rates of intimate partner violence by WHO region in 2010” to understand better how ignorant human beings have rightly made with other human beings.

39.    Distribution of unsafe abortion per 1000 women aged 15 to 44 years around the world
40.    Prevalence rates of intimate partner violence by WHO region in 2010
Global burden of disease study & the Lancet, 2014 with the leading causes of death are Heart diseases, Lower respiratory infection, HIV/AIDS, Violence, Malaria, Diarrhea, Preterm birth, Birth defects, Stroke, Road injuries, and War. Looking at “The distribution of leading causes of lost years of life around the world in 2013” will give us deeper understand about the causes.
41.    Differences in national homicide rates exist within regions and between regions.
42.    Distribution of trafficking of females around the world.
43.    Prevalence of female genital cutting around the world, scaled 2011
44.    The distribution of leading causes of lost years of life around the world in 2013

Going to everywhere in the world, you will experience physical and/or sexual violence by a partner or sexual violence by a non-partner. “What is happening, what is the curse for human beings when the prevalence of women suffered intimate partner violence by WHO rouse around lowest is 23.2% in high income countries and highest are 36.6% in African region, 37.0% in Eastern Mediterranean Region and 37.7% in South-East Asia Region; it means one in three women. This is the tipping of the iceberg; we will have to suffer more if we do not eradicate the root.

People in stressed world find drugs like “cocaine, cannabis, amphetamine stimulants, opioids, solvents and inhalants, sedatives” to relief pain and find temporary good state. Let look at “What drugs countries seek treatment for.” And “World Wealth level around the world in every year”
45.       What drugs countries seek treatment for
46.       World Wealth level around the world in every year
 The pattern thinking of human beings can be found in the allocation of their asset on investment, spending, education or buying protective weapon. We will understand the real world we are living because “all in one and one in all”. The spending of United States on military in 2015 was           $596.5 Billion that account for 54% of all spending of United State in the year of 2015. All the major areas for stability and development like education, Medicare & health, veteran’s benefits, housing & community, international affairs, energy & environment, science, social security, unemployment & labor, transportation, and food and agriculture was less than the spending on military.
“Do not ask me about the stability and development when people spend major resources on minor military, and spend minor resources on all other major sectors”
Death rate, suicide rate, homicide rate, the percent of gender committed suicide rate, the kind diseases, health problems, teenager’s problems, mental problems, social problems and quality of life are the reflection of the big hidden problem in society.

It is the lack virtue, goodness, kindness and integrity in society. The stress in society
Seasonal stress in developed world

The months of less stress in all developed countries is the summer holiday.
During summer holiday, children may not suffer much stress and boring at school from the study and test. They have time to go out and play. During this time, the rate of injuries is increased and teenage death is higher than other months.
Also do adults arrange free time same as school summer holiday for the whole family to go somewhere for holiday. The words relating with stress like “pain, anxiety, stress, depression and fatigue” searched on the internet from the United States drop substantially during national holiday and summer holiday.
 During summer month, people suffer least stress so the rate of deaths per 100000 people reduced substantially in every countries compare with other months.
Look at the mortality % of yearly average in the countries: United States, Japan, Italy, France, Spain, Canada, Australia, Sweden, Greece, New Zealand, and Cyprus. Low in the summer holiday, the rise during autumn and get peak in the winter then go down in spring.

The pattern of monthly death of the group one: United States, Japan, Italy, France, Spain, Canada, Sweden, Greece, and Cyprus have nearly the same pattern of fluctuation of monthly deaths because they have the same summer vacation time around June to September. The death rate around these months: June to September is lowest in the years.
Luckily, the low stress in the summer vacation can affect to the death rate by comparing the monthly death rate of group one with group two. In the group two: Australian and New Zealand, they have the same pattern of death rate, but both countries have opposite pattern of monthly death rate compared with group one. It is because the time of summer vacation of Australian and New Zealand is from end of December to March. So that the death rate from December to March is lowest in the year, and death rate from May to September is the highest in the year.
The pattern of monthly death rate of these developed countries and the death rate and injury rate during the summer vacation tell us a lot about the pattern of stress in human society. It is the seasonal stress.
Furthermore, the peaks of death, suicide rate in America and all other developed countries are in the spring and autumn. These times are the times of important examination of students in schools and universities around the developed world.
Important fact is all the previous researches have failed to indicate the correlations of temperature, wealthy, longevity, standard of living, geographic factors with the fluctuation of death rate around the year.
Does the formal education are putting stress on children and stress on society is still an open question needed to answer in the future.
Young people committed suicide account for a big portion of suicidal number. Do these young people stress with the old education, money and reward culture?
Recording of death rate in the last ten centuries in Europe show that from 1000 to 1600, the death rate of summer, spring, and fall was always higher than the death rate of winter. Until the seventeenth centuries - time of the first industrial revolution - the death rate of winter started to over the death rate of summer, spring, and winter. Do formal education and lifestyle living of industrialization have any contribution to the monthly death rate?
There is the high number of people fail in the attempt of committing suicide. However, with the popular of using guns in some countries, the percentage failing in committing suicide by using gun to commit suicide is very rare. According the article “Gun control could save veterans' lives” of Perry Stein in Newrepublic.com, in 2006, the Israeli Defense Forces made a relatively simple policy change that required soldiers to leave their weapons at their bases when they headed home for the weekend. The result: a staggering 40 percent drop in the suicide rate among soldiers aged 18-21, according to a November 2010 study.

“All in one, one in all” normally, if the young kid stressed from problems arisen from family, school, society, and friend, parents and other will invisibly fall to stress too. Stress will degrade the health of all people day after day.
Cancer and stress from discontented mind in United States.
Seasonal stress
Look at geographic distribution of wealth, health, hygiene, social problems, health problems, mental problems in America, we will understand the illogical pattern of stress caused by the mind and condition living that affect to human beings.
The distribution of “food environment index” and “severe house problems” do not match with the mental problems, health problems, social problems, and teenage problems means that mean stress and mental state do not have direct correlation to the quality of food, eating, and physical living as most people assumed.

47.    Geographical food environment index in United States
48.    Geographical severe house problems in United States
Stress problems, stress diseases belong to the mind so it has illogical patterns. Irrational stress or stress paradox is the best explanation for the American paradox of distributions wealth, health, diseases, social problems, teen problems, mental illnesses and death rate.
They are suffered the outcomes of stress.
Stress come from: lack of love, lack of connection to all other beings, and lack of ability to deal with problems and stressful situations; these lacking lead lack of understanding, lack of compassion, and lack of virtues, characters and integrity. Overtime, people distrust all things, events and news. They live all day in fear, doubt, suspension, frustration. Their mind is full of discontentment, stress, confliction and irritation. Where there is little trust, people start to be the slave of greed, anger and self-centered. Countless problems arise because the mind does not find peace and safe in society. The result is people are exhausted because of useless work like preparing, alerting, suspecting, and accumulating for self-protecting. These people are very weak and hurt inside. Even when the people at home, they does not feel safe let alone higher feelings of happiness. The mind starts to activate destructive stress state to prepare for fight and fight and destroy all others feedback signals or balancing correction. Instead of healing, the minds of stressed people blindly destroy themselves.

49.    Rate of cancer per 100000 people by state is high in the southeast of America.
50.    Report of urbanization by state: high in South of America
51.    Cancer mortality rates by county in United States
52.    Geographic of incidence rates for all cancer in America 2006-2010
53.    Crime rates by state, 2008
54.    Map of the United States showing the mean number of mentally unhealthy
55.    Prevalence of serious psychological distress among adults aged ≥18 years, by state, United States, 2007
56.    Mean number of mentally unhealthy days during past 30 days among adults aged ≥18 years, by state, United States, 2009
57.    Map of diabetes prevalence by county from 2004 to 2012.
58.    Map of Unite States. Divorce per 1000 people
59.    Homicides per 100000 populations by state.
60.    Percent of obese adults (body mass index of above 30)
61.    Heart attack death rates, 2011-2013 adult, age 35+, by county.
62.    Age-adjusted average annual deaths per 100000 populations.
63.    County level prevalence of frequent mental distress among U. S adults: 2003 -2009 from Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
64.    The inequality make discontent mind can see in the percent state population living in poverty by state
65.    Childhood poverty rates, by state also high in urban areas.
66.    Ratio of population to mental health providers is high in the southeast areas.
67.    Hazard distribution and frequency on the world

Food environment index is poorest in less developed areas in American. Astonishingly, the distribution of food environment index seems to contrast with the health index of population. This is the clue that food is not a key factor that influences to the health of people.
The other factor is “severe housing problems” are higher in less developed areas. This is the proof that physical condition living does not influence much to the mental problems, social problems, and health problems as people usually assumed.
Discontentment comes from the fact that children in poverty are severer in the urban areas.
The percent of preventable deaths per 100000 is American is highest with black American, and lowest in Asian American and Hispanic American. This fact may suggest us that Black American are suffered the worst consequences of stress in society, and the Asian and Hispanic are suffered minor consequences of stress in society. Consequences are the combination of the love, connection, stress and ability of the individuals.
January is the month of death, and the trend is increasing year after year. There are seasonal fluctuations in United States deaths. I think it matches with the seasonal stress in United States. Let look at top 10 American children’s health concerns from C.S Mott children’s hospital national poll on children’s health, 2011

Table 23: Top 10 American children’s health concerns, 2011
Top U.S. children’s health concerns
Child health concern % rated as “Big problem” in 2011
1.       Childhood obesity, 33%
2.       Drug abuse, 33%
3.       Smoking and tobacco use 25%
4.       Teen pregnancy, 24%
5.       Bullying, 24%
6.       Internet safety, 23%
7.       Stress, 22%
8.       Alcohol abuse, 20%
9.       Driving accident, 20%
10.    Sexting, 20%

Top 10 U.S. Children’s health concerns rated by Hispanics
Health concern, % rated by Hispanics as “Big problem” in 2011
1.      Drug abuse, 49%
2.      Teen pregnancy, 44%
3.      Childhood obesity, 44%
4.      Child abuse& neglect, 38%
5.      Stress, 38%
6.      Driving accident, 37%
7.      Bullying, 37%
8.      Smoking and tobacco use 35%
9.      Internet safety, 34%
10.   Sexually transmitted infections, 33%
Source: C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on children’s Health, 2011

Ø  County with highest level prevalence of frequent mental distress among United States Adults: 2003 - 2009 is the Southeast United States or urban areas.
Ø  Heart disease death rates, 2008 -2010, adults, by county, highest is the Southeast United States or urban areas.
Percentage of people in poverty for the past 12 months, by state in 2011; the 2011 United States poverty average is 15.9 %. The Southeast states have the high percent of people live in poverty. The gap of standard living makes the poor become more discontent and more stressed when they compare with rich people. Arizona has 19% people in poverty, Mississippi with 22.6% people in poverty.
According Huffington Post, people live in urban areas of the southeast America have the healthy life expectancy at age 65 is 13 years or less, whereas, people live other less developed areas have life expectancy at age 65 is higher; some areas with 15 years or more.

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Reading this article, the facts show the reader enormously how fragile modern people are! People in the wealthy countries and all over the world are fall to the rhythm of stress on society. There is no direct root causes, stress is the accumulation of countless bad behaviors. Rare anyone can escape form the effect of stress. All people are affected by stress directly or indirectly. Worse of all, the infants, babies, the young, the old, the weak are the most fragile creatures affected first, then all people in society and the whole world will suffered later directly and indirectly. The sages will show the way to get out the spiral of stress.
The South African Stress and Health (SASH) study
By observing, you will see people living in city with lot of facilities do not make them happy if they have discontent mind. Even worse, by comparing with other, discontent mind can fall to extreme stress.
 People of South African are more stress than Nigerians are. Perhaps they do not accept or deal well with the problems as Nigerians do. They do not deal well with the poverty and inequality as the Nigerians do. Lack of skills, abilities and discontent mind make them suffer more stress than Nigerian.
Especially, people in cities are lack of connection with people and nature so that they fall to more stressful and mental illness compared with the people in the rural areas.
People and children in cities are better facilitated and fed than the people and children in the rural areas so that they lack some vital skills to deal with stress, people in cities are more stressed and get more mental illness than people live in city. It is the skill, ability and environment have directly and indirectly caused people stressed.

The Western Cape, which has the highest prevalence of common mental disorders, was the first region of South Africa to be colonized and has a high level of urbanization. In contrast, rural provinces generally have lower rates of common mental disorders, with the lowest rates in the Eastern Cape.
South Africa has a relatively high 12-month prevalence of anxiety and mood disorders when compared with the other countries in the World Mental Health Survey. Only Belgium, France, Germany, New Zealand, The Netherlands, Colombia, Lebanon and the USA have higher rates of anxiety disorders than South Africa. And Belgium, Lebanon, Colombia, The Netherlands, France, Ukraine, Israel, New Zealand and the USA have higher rates of mood disorders than South Africa. Hopeful that in the near future, scientists will find out detail the varieties in the cause and effect of stress on people.
Only 1 in 10 Nigerians had a lifetime DSM disorder, compared with 1 in 3 South Africans. Compared with Nigerians, twice as many South Africans had lifetime anxiety disorders, 4 times as many had lifetime mood disorders, and almost 6 times as many had substance use disorders. Reasons for differences in prevalence of mental disorders in high- and low-income countries belong to the varieties stress states in the mind of people.
.A recent study conducted by international research company Bloomberg, ranked South Africa as the second "most stressed out" nation in the world, following Nigeria. El Salvador was ranked third. "High stress levels have been linked to mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, and can also lead to substance abuse. In severe cases, these problems can lead to a person becoming suicidal," says Viljoen, but if make deeper investigation, people will astonished with the results of stress and the causes of stress that they are making and bearing.
The problem of the rich: substance abuse
Psychiatric illness on the rise: South Africa already has high rates of substance abuse with, for example, alcohol alone being the third-highest contributor to death and disability among citizens, according to a 2014 study published in the South African Medical Journal.
Dominique Stott from the Professional Provident Society, an insurance company for graduate professionals, said: "Rates of major mental illnesses such as schizophrenia seem to be stable but cases of depression and anxiety are certainly escalating." Perhaps, stability in major mental illness is own for the raising high standard of living, healthcare, and insurance so that they can treat the mental illness sooner and better. But the case of depression and anxiety are escalating because these above factors do not have any influence on the poor habitual living, poor cultural living, the stressful life style and the poor abilities of the individuals.
Season of stress, not season of heat and cold
Summer break in United States - Around 10-11 weeks, either from end of May to early August, early June to Mid-August, or the end of June to the day after Labor Day in early September, or late June to the day after Labor Day - depending on region and state.

The death rate in Canada by month from 2007 to 2011 is the same. Whereas the incidents of injury are increased substantially during these months, and the teenage deaths during these months do not reduce as the total death.
During these summer days, just the small fluctuation of the hot temperature below 35 Co degrees can make changes in the number of deaths in developed countries. Temperature with 35 Co degrees is the normal temperature during the summer of people in developing countries in South East Asia, India. And it can be seen as the cool temperature in India and Africa. People in these developing countries usually live with the shortage of electric and water during hot summer.
Lack of the vital things lead them lack of the adaptability with the small changes of temperature. The temperature is not the cause of deaths; perhaps, it is the trigger to worsen the stress of stressed people in western countries.
People died more because of diseases caused by stress despite the fact that the standard of living and healthcare have increased substantially.
Worldwide Facts
Over 80 percent of the world's deaths from heart disease occur in low- and middle-income countries. Stress is the product of poor interaction with too much problems and inequality. These lead to the discontent mind.
Stress is illogical. Mind is irrational.
These can explain for the paradox that the French diet is high in dairy, fats, and red meat, these factors known to increase heart disease risk.
According to Oishimaya Sen Nag from Worldatlas.com,
The top five countries with the highest rates of heart disease deaths are:
1.                   Russia
2.                   Bulgaria
3.                   Romania
4.                   Hungary
5.                   Argentina

The top five countries with the lowest rates of heart disease deaths are:
1.                   France
2.                   Australia
3.                   Switzerland
4.                   Japan
5.                   Israel
Rainbow of stress             
Because of the difference in the social status, social recognition, social gender advantages, religions, instincts, abilities, talents and skills of different gender so that men and women suffer different stress outcomes spread on the rainbow of stress.
In America, suicide rates with age from 15-24 years old people, number of males committed suicide substantially higher than the number of females.

Nation sport in America caused different fatalities per 100000 students in high school after-school club activities from 1998 to 2007. It depends on the kind of fierce competitive sport or cooperative sport:
Ø  “Fatalities per 100000 students are highest in Judo and Rugby”, and lowest in tennis and table tennis.
Ø  The sports like basketball, soccer, baseball have the average number of fatalities per 100000 students.

Cancer alarm at the firehouse, is it relate to stress in work? The answer is yes. Let see some clues. Stress in fighting fire is the factors that may multiply the effect of air quality of burning building. No one can imagine how stressful, how horrible, how hard in the battle with fire of firefighters. Firefighters, their friends, the lives of people may die if they make mistake and fail.
During the firefighting, their bodies are surged with the highest level of stress chemicals than the workers of other jobs that rarely anyone can imagine.

The study of Harvard researchers also showed that younger firefighters had more cases of certain types of cancer, such as bladder and prostate, than expected, that chances of lung cancer increased with time spent at fires, and the chances of dying from leukemia increased with the number of fire runs. These may be the indicators of skills, abilities and state of mind of the young firefighters.

 Harvard researchers led by postdoctoral fellow Emily Sparer, researchers including students from Harvard and MIT have teamed up with local fire departments to tackle a health care mystery: How does the firehouse itself increase cancer risk among firefighters?
The research showed an elevated rate of cancer diagnoses and deaths for firefighters, mainly for digestive, oral, respiratory, and urinary disease. In addition, firefighters were about twice as likely to develop malignant mesothelioma, a rare cancer related to asbestos exposure.
Heal thyself
There are facts that breast cancer survivors cite in preventing a recurrence. Major contribution to the long-term breast cancer survivors relate to the mind like: positive attitude, diet, healthy lifestyle, exercise, stress reduction, and prayer. All of these factors help to make the people happier, less misery, less stress than normal. These factors make the mind in good state and happy state so that the potential mind will correct the immune system, activate the healing function of the bodies. Human mind and human bodies have the most sophisticated and most effective function of protecting and healing the body that people not yet know.

37. Nature does not answer or revenge human beings
Luckily, nature do not care for human mistakes, human cruelties. Nature is just changing faster owning for the contribution of human beings. The slow space of nature and evolution has created a heaven on earth through billion years. Slow but steady. How miracle in nature that human beings do not know entirely. But one thing I know about the miracle of nature: all sophisticated creatures spices, bugs, flowers, animals, viruses, bacteria, and all the things people see, hear, and touch are the outcomes of revolution of raw materials in nature. Coal, gas, oil and countless residuals, fossils are the remaining of the previous creatures accumulated for billions of years. Human beings, and human world also are the products of nature evolved for billions years. Look at your body and your children’s body: how miraculous are the eyes, ears, intestine systems, heart, kidney, and brain! I am astonished seeing the creatures of nature. I am surprised seeing the wonder of nature. The moment of “Ah”, “Wow”, “Incredible”, “Awesome,” the bright wide opened eyes, and smiling faces cannot enough to describe how miraculous nature and what exactly hidden inside nature?
Unfortunately nature take billions years to create the suitable environment for the development of human beings and temporal creatures. Each time of changing from the one ecosystem to the other ecosystem lead to the massive destruction of all beings. Dinosaurs started and dominated the earth for nearly 200 million years. Human evolution has only started for 65 million years, and history of human beings is only 12000 years. Unfortunately, the changes caused by human being are so enormous that nature start to have some changes: hurricane, earthquake, landslide, storm, eruption volcano, ozone layer, atmosphere, etc…

In 2017, the Hurricane Irma in United States is twice as powerful as every World War II bomb dropped. Hurricane Harvey equal to one million Hiroshima Bombs per Day. We are too fragile and too weak with any changing of nature or ecosystems. If human beings still greedy like before, no one can have an exact answer how long human beings will survive.
Look at the “natural disasters reported from 1900 to 2007” on Planetindistress.com we can easily draw out some facts: the natural disasters was stable low during 1900- 1940 fluctuated around 10 to 20 disasters a year, but since 1950, the number of disaster have astonishingly soared and reach to 500 natural disasters in 2000. If the natural disaster keeps soaring with this rate in 21st century, billions of people will be the victim of natural changes and no one can warrant the safety of any other people.
Writing this book, a lot of events and crisis happened to the world with unknown causes. Most astonishing one is the two powerful earthquakes struck Mexico in just one month. From CNN, for the second time in two weeks, a powerful earthquake struck Mexico, toppling buildings, cracking highways and killing hundreds of people. The magnitude-8.1 quake struck off Mexico's southern coast on Thursday night; it's been described as the strongest earthquake to hit Mexico since 1932.
The hidden realtion between Autism, ADHD, Depression, Autoimmune Diseases, Diabetes and Suicide

38. The hidden correlation
There is always the correlation between all events happened to people, society, countries and the world. The name of events, the description of the events, and the characters of events may not the same, but they all bear the same pattern. The pattern comes from the quality of the interaction of all creatures, beings and elements in it. There is no single separate people, self and, ego, and beings. The world is interdependent. We are inter-beings. The quality of our life dependence on the quality of the life and the quality of all people despite that we cognitively know about their existence or not. The world is mysteriously interdependent, the virtues, pace of nature, Tao, and principles are the hidden laws control the interdependent world; these are the core in the teachers of all great philosophers, great religious leaders, and great educators.
Each time, people commit cheating, violating virtues, or doing against principles, they may do not cognitively care about the behaviors. But their potential mind can sense the smell, sound, and images of danger or non-safety. Each time they commit mistakes, their unconscious mind will sense the threatening which destroy the satisfaction of their basic needs, they make their mind fall to the more and more state of stress. All the luxury covers, wealthy cannot compensate the weakness inside, cannot satisfied the hunger inside of a beings. The more they neglect, the bigger the stressed mind. The mind may be stressed because it understands the effects of the bad actions but it cannot send the message to the cognitive mind, cannot create gut feelings strong enough to catch the notice of cognitive mind, and it cannot stop the countless bad actions… Until no one can help them.

Do you want to try the feelings of danger and un-safety?
-          Try to cheat someone for money.
-          Try to pick pocket someone’s money
-          Try to cheat in the exams
-          Try to treat anyone
And best of all is from the experiences: remember the feelings, pain, embarrassment and uncertainty when you accidently or purposefully making harm other, breaking expensive pot, and any behaviors that you know that it is against the common senses.

The stressed world Retrieved from: From chapter 26 of: Awaken you wonderful we https://www.amazon.com/...

Problem-solving skills: are you learning the root or learning tops? New view

Problem-solving skills: are you learning the root or learning tops? New view

Retrieved from lessons 3.Problem-solving skills, New view from Awaken you wonderful we

Many people complain that they have a lot of work, backing home with many work. Flooding in work, study and family, they do not have free time for themselves. They start learning problem-solving skills. Once applied, life seems easier and lighter than before. In fact, if looking back they are still busy or busier than before. What are the real solutions? What are the bottlenecks need removing?
Problem-solving skills are taught:
After hundreds of bla bla from the teachers, we realize the problems are outside. Problems from family is not ideally happy, sisters do not unite, conflicting all day, spoiled children; my spouse, my children and my boss do not listen to me; the job is too hard, the price is too expensive, the price escalates, life is difficult due to political instability, politicians, government. Even worse, people blame for the million stars shined in the wrong ways from twenty to fifty years ago when they were born. We find endless sources for our problems from outside. Then we start solving rigidly with the 5WH technique, with lot of efforts, resources put in to solve the problems. After a while, exhausted with the unsolved problems, or even problems getting bigger and bigger, we stuck into extreme stress. We are ineffective in solving problems. So what is the real problems.
This reminds me of cutting trees. The trees are like your problems; tree of problems in family, in work and in society. We start to cut down the problem tree. A tree has three parts are roots, stem and leaves. The ineffective ones carry the ax cut trees in the leaves, tops, and flowers. They can mobilize lot of people into cutting down foliage, breaking down branches with hundreds of people, tens of years, billions of dollars. People take place hundreds of miscellaneous things around the problem tree with the hope of the tree will die. The tree is still there, although they mobilize a lot of wealth, resources and people. Many useless rewards and conferences have put forth. Useless rewards used for tiny and small achievement which are misunderstood that the milestone achievement.
The problem solved effectively when people cut the ax into the trunk or the root of the tree. One, two, three, four, and five minutes of cutting with about one hundred cuts, with only two people and the tree fall down.
“Oh you really do not need to do this fast, so quickly like that, this is where we get paid for; this is the source of our income. We are paid by time." Moreover, “you are less recognized, praised and less rewarded.”
With the metaphorical image above, the skills learned above are important but not critical; it is equivalent to using axes to cut the leaves of the problem tree; it is hard but ineffective but ineffective people get the most rewards. It can be call the paradox for effective and ineffective people.
The decisive factor in solving problem is not the problem but the individuals who solve the problem. When looking at correlations of solving the problem, let compare the magnitude of the individual and the magnitude of the problem. Moving a ten kilograms stone is a big deal for a small child or a dwarf, but moving a ten kilograms stone is a small problem for an adult or an athlete. Another example is the fifth grade problem is difficult for students in grade fourth, but is a simple problem for students in grades sixth or seventh. Is the problem of reducing difficulty? No problem is still the same, is the problem solver that has matured over time. In the field of life, there are such problems as fatherhood, motherhood, husbandry, self-management, financial management and spiritual management. Do you say that you are good at solving these problems? If yes, I do not believe much, look at the emotions, the mood of those around you relating to the problem. When I self-arrogate, I often remind myself “Vietnam is a developing country or actually poor country, I am an average member in the country, in society and in the industry; I live in an average apartment in Vietnam, having an average living, which means I have poor thinking in some extend. So please do not be angrily and aggressively defends my point of views - the view of poverty. Do not force others to follow my expectation”.
"I am wrong, not only with wrong actions. The deepening roots of misery are my wrong thoughts; from wrong thoughts creates wrong assumptions; from wrong assumption creates wrong expectation; from unsatisfied wrong expectation creates wrong emotion; from wrong emotion creates wrong actions; from wrong actions create misery and stress in life. Wrong things compound with wrong things unconsciously. So the most effective way is I need to learn more to remove my ignorance". This is my best reminder help me from the action at tempting moment.
Mastering or cutting off the root of the problem here is to enhance the individual's capacity or individuality. Make them bigger than the problems. Instead of complaining that there are too many things, too many problems need to solve; let identifying your small, your foolishness or your ignorance, which real things need to adjust. You need to do more, practice more, challenge more, accumulate more skills, gain more wisdom and achieve the enlightenment. According to many authors, identifying the right sources of the problem has helped solve fifty percent of the problem.
From the authors’ teaching, we can find out how to cultivate the best in process of personal development. Here are some of the ways I collected:
First, Jim Rohn, and Brian Tracy recommend have a learning library, lifelong learning, goal - setting, and university on wheel.
Jim Rohn recommended a library of books, notebooks and photos, to read, to think and to recite at least 30 minutes a day, several hours a week, one weekend at the end of the month and 2-3 weekend days of the end of the year. Work hard in creating a library, creating a diary. You will not remember the content of the lecture or interesting conference last week, last month or last year. Trust me, if you listened interesting lecture a year ago, you will not be able to remember ten percent of that message if you did not record or review in previous time. Please try! Do not trust your memory. Setting goals, when achieving goals, the goals are not important any more but the person you become when achieving your goals.
Brian Tracy recommends spend at least 30 minutes a day to read the knowledge related to the skill you want to improve. Try to read a lot, one month read at least from one to three books. After one year, you have a large amount of knowledge. He used the number of reading books to illustrate, to get the doctorate, learners have to read and study approximately fifty-five books. If you read and apply fifty-five books in the skill you want to improve, you are already a self-studied doctor. Interestingly, what you are self-motivated is much more effective than the motivation from the pressure from the environment. Learning because of wanting of desiring with the enthusiasm of passion, self-discipline is far more effective than the formal learning; because these are the vital ingredients creating great achievement.
In addition, Brian Tracy also mentions "university on wheel", meaning that every day we move at least 2-3 hours, if in the car that we listen to audio book, interesting ideas from books, conferences or teachings. One month we have approximately ninety hours of studying, after a year we have about one thousand hours of studying, which are equivalent to the number of credits in a year of studying in college. University on wheels, after nearly of ten years listening, people can have ten thousand hours of learning, they are become outliers. Read the "outliers" of Malcom Gladwell to understand the concept of ten thousand hours.
Secondly, sources are western philosophy, oriental philosophy and street philosophy. Streets, crowds, life, nature is the place to practice, to contemplate and to apply what we learn and read. Life needs contemplation, testing and adjustment. Always pay close attention to the PDCA in everything: planning, doing, checking and adjusting. Skillful in apply the lessons from Buddha, Jesus Christ, mother Teresa, Confucius, Lao Tzu, Socrates, Plato and many other great men, who create the foundations of modern philosophy. Their teaching contains empathy, love, persistence, generosity, serving heart, dedication, simplicity, self - discipline, principle, virtues, compassion, humility; which are enduring values.

Thirdly, we can gain wisdom and enlightenment by practicing meditation. In lot of teaching of Buddha; and the follower of Buddha are Dalai Latma, Thich Nhat Hanh and Matthieu Ricard, people can easily practice and take the most advantage from meditation. People can create joy, happiness and peace of mind from meditation. And the scientists, researcher can control the focus of the mind, have better view of themselves so that they will not fall to the trap of thinking.
Fourthly, Seth Godin, John C Maxwell, Daniel Goleman, Stephen Covey, Tony Robbin, Albert Einstein, Thich Nhat Hanh and many other extraordinary authors. They mention EQ: emotional intelligence, PQ: passion intelligence, AQ: adapting intelligence and SQ: spiritual intelligence. These are the abilities to master one's emotions, to master the self; the ability to lead others, the ability to interact with people, environment to created the wanted changes. The individuals mastered AQ, EQ, PQ, SQ are the leaders in society. In addition, they also recommend that children and adults should remain the precious characters: endless curiosity; creativity, skillfully in asking question; nourishing the imagination and keeping the spirit of the young child inside. These are the channels to keep the energy run smoothly between individuals and environment. Use these channels people can stimulate the ideas directly to the unconscious mind, create happy emotion long before the conscious mind know what is happening. The smoother the energy, the better the body, family and organization are. Parents can nourish these qualities in their children much more effective than the schools do. These qualities can be the safe for the rigid of modern education. Pay attention to lead, learn and act so that you and others around you have these qualities of endless curiosity; creativity, skillfully in asking question; nourishing the imagination, keeping the spirit of the young child inside, and the intelligence of AQ, PQ, SQ, EQ.
Thank you

Hanoi, 18/11/2016. 

Friday, September 29, 2017

Love is verb, right understanding is unconditional love, how to get the right understanding?

Love is a verb, right understanding is unconditional love, how to get the right understanding?

Retrieved from: Awaken you wonderful we

Love is the action. It means when you love someone. You should put heart in the action you do for your lovers. Love is serving with heart. We have to learn the love of Jesus, Buddha and Mother Teresa. They have real love; they love people without any expectation, which called the unconditional love. When a man loves a woman, he has love in all actions like serving, caring, flirting, making the surprise, helping, motivating, sharing, respecting. Real love no need of return.
Mother Teresa did not demand anything when helping the one needed help. From caring, helping she gained the greatest joy and happiness than any bodies else. With love, everything was the marvel to her; she found joy and happiness in everything, the power of love so great that she created the greatest legacy with little resources. Love is action, a man in love find joy and happiness in any actions they do for their lover. He finds happiness in responsibility also. We can easily imagine a man in happiness in every action, he is dancing, jumping, smiling, cheering, singing, walking and opening all. The individual in love never think of doing any harm to the lover. Observer can easily see the pattern of happiness in the action of a man in love. Mother loves her child unconditionally; she can sacrifice her life to save her child in danger. Her love is immeasurable. A girl does not need to see ask advice to know if he loves her, just finding is the happiness in him when staying with you, when do with you. He is controlled by highest emotion so that he can do many silly things. If he loves you, play with you with too much consciousness, perhaps he does not love you enough.
If people in love but expect in return: “I serve her, I care for her, I give her flower. In return, I want her to do good to me. She does not do good to me, it makes me a little bit sad.” Hold on, she does not do good back to you, and you said. You see, love with expecting is like exchanging. It is not loved. Expecting can kill your love. With expectation, you do thing consciously, you are pulling out of a moment of action to the expectation. It makes the action unnaturally. If you receive less than expectation, you can become angry, you can harm her.
The fact is, love with expectation mean "I love myself" not “I love her”. It is a selfish love, greedy love. People misunderstand that they love themselves but they think they love others. Sometimes they think they do good action in love as a sacrifice. The greedy love can hurt for both. Love that is still clinging, giving but still looking forward to receiving, waiting for returning is the love of selfish person; it is not generous love to other, but the selfish love to themselves. The selfish love makes people feel pain or hard in the action. When making the action of love instead of finding happiness as the unconditional love, they find pain, hard work or even misery. It looks like an exchanging in the relationship. With unconditional love or real love, people find happiness, joy and energy in action for both doer and receiver. On the other hand, with selfish love, to some extent, people find misery, pain and exhausted in action. Selfish love can create misery or stress for both people. So that if a girl read any signs caused by happiness chemical from a man when he thinks or dates with her, it means he likes or loves her; because he is doing the things that he loves the most. The belief deep inside harmony with the outside action to create the action, he finds happiness. If a girl can find any signs of stress chemical from a man when he is dating or doing kind work to her, it means that he finds stress in action, deep belief inside contradict with outside activities. He has to use conscious mind alone to take action, it is exhausted, overworked, some time can make him stress. The experienced people can see the pretending smile from him, or have the gut feelings when hearing he laughs.



People tell lies to have the stress signal also. Observe ordinary people telling lies, we can find the embarrassing behaviors from them. The unconscious mind detects the mind bad consequences from the lying, so it creates the signal of a little stress. People telling lie do not have eye contact, do not see direct eye to eye, the pupil shrinks, tension muscle, up the heartbeat, sweating and many other symptoms of stress, so that the words are not naturally. The degree of symptoms stress may vary a lot from people to people. The experienced individual can have the feeling of chill or gut feeling if he sees a man telling lies, which may lead to serious consequences, without any stress signal on the face, voice or gestures and without the signal of emotion. The experienced man will pay special attention to him.
Parents also need unconditional love for their children. The conditional love express: “parents love you so you need to do this”, and “parents love you so you need to do that to make parents happy.” to make your parents happy; otherwise, children will be fined, beaten, burned books, torn clothes if the children do not obey the order of parents and adults. Look closely, they are invisible braces that splint the arms and legs of their children. Selfish parents make children eat, work and study without any passion, no curiosity, and no excitement. They just follow the instructions of adults. Kids are like the puppets of their parents; parents use love, orders, rewards, punishments, and emotion to control the puppets. Sadly, in Vietnam, the kids have many splints from their adults like grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and teachers; who are so blindly violating the basic need of freedom of the kids; the need of freedom they forget that they also ask for and complain all day at work, clubs, and in society because of lacking freedom.
 We use love as splints to splint the two legs, the two hands and the behaviors of our children unconsciously. Interfere the kids' behaviors by their parents may create passive children; because parents dictate the children what to do and what not to do because of their love; kids rarely make anything by themselves so that they are very self-deprecatory, low self-esteem. Kids never have a sense of conquest, of victory to proud of, they get everything done by their parents. The blind love of parents take all the chance for hands, legs, eyes, ears, and head to do its job; parents repeatedly serving for their children to satisfy unwanted needs of their children; they unconsciously spoilt their children. Kids grow up in the environment where everything is ready-made by parents not only lack the skills but also have much more wants, desires than normal kids. When the desires are not satisfied, kids become angry with screaming, shouting, rebelling to ask for things they want. Time after time, parents with selfish love blindly create the bad habits of their kid's many desires, anger, and ignorance; these are the causes of misery.
Lao Tzu taught "instructions without interference". We as parents should draw out the destinations, expectations, visions, with the principle and values, then use love and patience to encourage our children and let them do their own. Our love and support are good enough for the kids feel safe to take more challenge in life. Our children will surprise us with their creativity and ingenuity. The temperaments like self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance, initiative and proud from victory created by the process of working. Do not love your children so blindly that make tired, harmful to children and related individuals.
Stephen Covey taught about how to heal the relationship in the family for a husband: "love her" "But I do not love her anymore" "Dear friend, you are wrong, love is a verb; love is action, not emotion. People are in love have passionate action for the one they love". “so if you have to love her to heal relationship, you have to take numerous action to care for her: making her surprised, taking care of her, picking her up, dating with her, taking care the children for her, helping her the housework. Many think you can do if you really want to relive the love. Do it unconditionally.”
With children having problems need the unconditional love from their parents the most to repair the problems inside. They are need guiding without interfering with their parents when they have done the work, they feel proud and confident from inside. The children having the problem already have the problem so that parents should not expect too much from them. The unsatisfied expectation can make parents anger and hurt, which in return will hurt the children. Love your kids without condition; welcome all the good things and bad things to your children, celebrate with them, guiding without interfering, give support to make kids feel safe enough to take more action, to make changes and corrections if needed. Especially the children with a mental problem, who are in stress, need so much love, connection and support from parents to have the feeling of happiness. The happiness and the chemical of happiness secreting in the brain and body is the best cure for mental problems. When taking action of love, practice three things: simplicity, patience, and compassion.
Count the Aha moment you have!



Love is verb, right understanding is unconditional love, how to get the right understanding?

Love is verb, right understanding is unconditional love, how to get the right understanding?

Retrieved from: Awaken you wonderful we

Love is the action. It means when you love someone. You should put heart in the action you do for your lovers. Love is serving with heart. We have to learn the love from Jesus, Buddha and mother Teresa. They have real love; they love people without any expectation, which called the unconditional love. When a man loves a woman, he has love in all actions like serving, caring, flirting, making surprise, helping, motivating, sharing, respecting. Real love no need of return.
Mother Teresa did not demand anything when helping the one needed help. From caring, helping she gained the greatest joy and happiness than any bodies else. With love, everything was the marvel to her; she found joy and happiness in everything, the power of love so great that she created greatest legacy with little resources. Love is action, a man in love find joy and happiness in any actions they do for their lover. He finds happiness in responsibility also. We can easy imagine a man in happiness in every actions, he is dancing, jumping, smiling, cheering, singing, walking and opening to many things. Individual in love never think of doing any harm to the lover. Observer can easily see the pattern of happiness in the action of a man in love. Mother loves her child unconditionally; she can sacrifice her life to save her child in danger. Her love is immeasurable. A girls does not need to see ask advice to know if he loves her, just finding is he happiness in him when stay with you, when do with you. He is control by highest emotion so that he can do many silly things. If he love you, play with you with too much consciousness, perhaps he does not love you enough.
If people in love but expect in return: “I serve her, I care for her, I give her flower. In return, I want her do good to me. She does not do good to me, it make me a little bit sad.” Hold on, she does not do good back to you, and you said. You see, love with expecting is like exchanging. It is not love. Expecting can kill your love. With expectation, you do thing consciously, you are pulling out of moment of action to the expectation. It makes the action unnaturally. If you receive less than expectation, you can become anger, you can harm her.
The fact is, love with expectation mean "I love myself" not “I love her”. It is a selfish love, greedy love. People misunderstand that they love themselves but they think they love others. Some time they think they do good action in love as a sacrifice. The greedy love can hurt for both. Love that is still clinging, giving but still looking forward to receiving, waiting of returning is the love of selfish person; it is not generous love to other, but the selfish love to themselves. The selfish love make people feel pain or hard in the action. When making action of love instead of finding happiness as the unconditional love, they find pain, hard work or even misery. It looks like an exchanging in relationship. With unconditional love or real love, people find happiness, joy and energy in action for both doer and receiver. On the other hand, with selfish love, in some extend people find misery, pain and exhausted in action. Selfish love can create misery or stress for both people. So that if a girl read any signs caused by happiness chemical from a man when he thinks or dates with her, it mean he like or love her; because he is doing the things that he love the most. The belief deep inside harmony with the outside action to create the action, he finds happiness. If a girl can find any signs of stress chemical from a man when he is dating or doing kind work to her, it means that he find stress in action, deep belief inside contradict with outside action. He has to use conscious mind alone to take action, it is exhausted, overworked, some time can make him stress. The experienced people can see the pretending smile from him, or have the gut feelings when hearing he laughs.



People tell lies have the stress signal also. Observe ordinary people telling lies, we can find the embarrassing behaviors from them. The unconscious mind detects the mind bad consequences from the lying, so it creates the signal of a little stress. People telling lie do not have eye contact, do not see direct eye to eye, the pupil shrinks, tension muscle, up heartbeat, sweating and many other symptoms of stress, so that the words are not naturally. The degree of symptoms stress may vary a lot from people to people. The experienced individual can have the feeling of chill or gut feeling if he sees a man telling lies, which may lead to serious consequences, without any stress signal on face, voice or gestures and without signal of emotion. The experience man will pay special attention to him.
Parents also need unconditional love for their children. The conditional love express: “parents love you so you need to do this”, and “parents love you so you need to do that to make parents happy.” to make your parents happy; otherwise, children will be fined, beaten, burned books, torn clothes if the children do not obey the order of parents and adults. Look closely, they are invisible braces that splint the arms and legs of their children. Selfish parents make children eat, work and study without any passion, no curiosity, and no excitement. They just follow the instructions of adults. Kids are like the puppets of their parents; parents use love, orders, rewards, punishments, and emotion to control the puppets. Sadly, in Vietnam, the kids have many splints from their adults like grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and teachers; who are so blindly violating the basic need of freedom of the kids; the need of freedom they forget that they also ask for and complain all day at work, clubs, and in society because of lacking freedom.
 We use love as splints to splint the two legs, the two hands and the behaviors of our children unconsciously. Interfere the kids' behaviors by their parents may create passive children; because parents dictate the children what to do and what not to do because of their love; kids rarely make anything by themselves so that they are very self-deprecatory, low self-esteem. Kids never has sense of conquest, of victory to proud of, they get every things done by their parents. The blind love of parents take all the chance for hands, legs, eyes, ears, and head to do its job; parents repeatedly serving for their children to satisfy unwanted needs of their children; they unconsciously spoilt their children. Kids grow up in the environment where everything is ready made by parents not only lack of the skills, but also have much more wants, desires than normal kids. When the desires are not satisfied, kids become anger with screaming, shouting, rebelling to ask for things they want. Time after time, parents with selfish love blindly create the bad habits for their kids many desires, anger and ignorance; these are the causes of misery.
Lao Tzu taught "instructions without interference". We as parents should draw out the destinations, expectations, visions, with the principle and values, then use love and patience to encourage our children and let them do their own. Our love and support is good enough for the kids feel safe to take more challenge in life. Our children will surprise us with their creativity and ingenuity. The temperaments like self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance, initiative and proud from victory created by the process of working. Do not love your children so blindly that make tired, harmful for children and related individuals.
Stephen Covey taught about how to heal the relationship in family for a husband: "love her" "But I do not love her anymore" "Dear friend, you are wrong, love is a verb; love is action, not emotion. People are in love have passionate action for the one they love". “so if you have to love her to heal relationship, you have to take numerous action to care for her: making her surprised, taking care of her, picking her up, dating with her, taking care the children for her, helping her the house work. Many think you can do if you really want to relive the love. Do it unconditionally.”
With children having problems need the unconditional love from their parents the most to repair the problems inside. They are need guiding without interfering from their parents, when they done the work, they feel proud and confident from inside. The children having problem are already have problem, so that parents should not expect too much from them. The unsatisfied expectation can make parents anger and hurt, which in return will hurt the children. Love your kids without condition; welcome all the good things and bad things to your children, celebrate with them, guiding without interfering, give support to make kids feel safe enough to take more action, to take changes and corrections if needed. Especially the children with mental problem, who are in stress, need so much love, connection and support from parents to have the feeling of happiness. The happiness and the chemical of happiness secreting in the brain and body is the best cure for mental problems. When taking action of love, practice three things: simplicity, patience, and compassion.



Love - Connection - Difficulties - Abilities

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